Our Sneaky got her GSM for her service in the Iraq conflict. All the family are very proud of you. Lots of people on Service Pals send a well done message to be passed on. Having finally got mine after 51 years waiting, I am so proud to see them together. Well deserved Gal.
Granddad
Fizeo finally got her place in the queue and went in Warrington General Hospital for her operation. Things went well and she should be out in a few days but she will have to give up her driving for a few weeks so she is not too happy about that. Some clan members will lose their Free Taxi Service, so there will be a few glum faces at home then. To add to Fizeo’s week to be forgotten and true to form for a member of the Culcheth Clowns. Just before being admitted in to the hospital someone dropped a shelf on her big toe which turned bright purple, she also tripped over a step and took the skin off her knee which turned it bright red. I believe they started singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow when they were wheeling her to the operating theatre. In Fizeo’s section of the hospital physiotherapy department there should be four staff, one is absent due to a work related injury, one is absent due to pregnancy, one is absent due to injuries received from safety air bags after being in a car crash and Fizeo is still an outpatient.
Warrington area people are advised not to break any bones at the present time unless they are experienced at DIY.
BUDGIES and BIRD FLU
How to tell if your budgie has Bird Flu? This is a frequently asked question these days. and there are clues you ought to look out for. For example, if your pet hops up his ladder, looks in his mirror and says: "Oh god, I look awful," you should certainly be on your guard. The tinkling of his little bell could also be a cry for help. It's a good idea, at this time, to have another little bell installed in your bedroom, operated by a thread leading to his cage, so that he can give it a tug and summon you in the night if he needs some fresh water or a junior aspirin,
A high-temperature can cause delirium. Excessive untidiness with millet is one sure sign of this also if your budgie has suddenly become repetitive and says "Put the kettle on" over and over again? Sometimes a bird will chirp "Where's Charlie ?" when he knows nobody of that name. Charlie has become a figment of his imagination and paranoia is setting in. He suspects that this mysterious Charlie figure is going to sneak up on his cage and loosen the rungs of his ladder or put glue on his swing- A paranoid budgie will chatter away, then clam up when you approach the cage and take an interest. He will resist all entreaties to repeat what he just said.
Is it possible to catch flu from your budgie? Yes, it certainly is, but there are precautions you can take. for the period of the quarantine, confine him to his cage and try to keep the relationship on a strictly formal footing. Stick to a straight "Good morning" or "Good afternoon" and avoid asking him who is a pretty boy. It would be a sensible precaution to place a cloth over your head at night time.
How can you tell if you have caught budgie flu ? Look out for signs of sidling, when you seem to be shuffling sideways, it may not necessarily be a danger signal but it is certainly something to monitor. Try to notice if you are tending to hunch you shoulders more than usual. See how often you bang your forehead against mirrors One of the early symptoms of budgie flu in humans is a tendency to utter expressions, such as "Oh Dear" or "Dearie Me" when rising from your chair or bed. If you catch yourself trying to scratch your nose with your foot seek medical help immediately.
With acknowledgement to: End Column - Oliver Pritchett.
Old Weary Wally has finally had his Gall Bladder removed. He can no longer use his old joke that he paid seven & six (38p) for a wife in 1951 and this asset has declined in value over the years because certain of my bits have been removed.
Now his bits are going and his trade-in value has declined drastically.
I had him “doctored” at Hope Hospital under this new fangled Keyhole method. The op went very well but, as usual, being such a tight B*!~#r , he didn’t want to part with anything. “In case it might be useful someday” . It seems the GB wouldn’t come out through the keyhole so the stones had to be prised out of him one by one but eventually with the surgeon’s foot on his chest they finally made him give them up. Since he came home he hasn’t moped about looking miserable too much, he has come off the feel happier pills and the D.N. has removed the staples, so he will soon be back to his normal grumpy condition. Batty.
My Recommended Links
For Humour: http://www.ahajokes.com/
“ htth://www.monologues.co.uk/
“ http://www.humorlinks.com/
“ http://www.funnypoets.com/
Forces Vets http://ww.servicepals.com/
Computer Service http://www.doc-com.com
Family News, Gossip or Hearsay - Some tongue in cheek.
Wayne Occleston
PAINTER & DECORATOR
....................................
17. Albert Street
Cadishead, Manchester. M44 6ND.
Tel: 0161-775-4633
Mobile: 0785-5936263
A Culcheth Clown Joins The GEEKS
SALLY GRADUATED with a FIRST
As she achieved marks in the high eighties she is now, according to her sisters, an Honorary Geek Her granddad says the news is not unexpected as good genes will always win through and he takes full credit for her achievements.
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Jacqueline |
Christine |
Kate |
Sally |
Gemma |
Yvonne |
The Culcheth Clowns
Jac her first season as an employed professional dancer with the “Bring It On Show.” Dancing at the Marton Mere and CalaGran Camps near Blackpool and also in N. Wales. "Starring" with Keith Harris and Orville and Bobby Davro. We all thought the show was brill and they all had so much energy. Mum was a bit embarrassed with the costumes on the washing line but, hey, that's Show Biz. Well done Jac, we loved it.
The joys of CAR BOOTING ?
The wrinklies decided to do a car boot again the other week to get rid of more of the kids inheritance. all carefully planned by Weary, the weather forecast checked, it was OK. ( we could stay outside instead of indoors.) Alarm clock set for 6 am to get good place, Patio umbrella to be taken in case of rain, ropes to tie same to car in case of wind, chairs in case of tiredness and food and drink in case of exhaustion. Loads of plastic bags in case of multiple sales, lots of change for same reason and the piece-de-resistance a long wallpapering table borrowed from son so plenty of room to set out stuff, we were all set for sale of the century. In the Event
The organisers had lost a field so the space allocated was only width of car plus 2 feet and the fee had gone up 25%. As usual we were literally pinned against the boot by the hovering dealer vultures as we tried to unpack but we eventually got set up. Shortly after big black cloud took up residence over our heads so quick dash to get up umbrella and things moved under its protection, started to feel rather smug watching others who had no umbrella. Unfortunately we then found we were facing the wind so the rain still hit the table but determined not to panic we got out the paper kitchen roll and started to wipe things and move them back., at that point the slime monster struck. Someone? (son) had forgotten to tell us that the paper pasting table had not been cleaned, you know wallpaper paste is invisible when dry but when wet boy does it spread. In ten seconds the kitchen towel and two cotton towels were used up and two slime covered creatures from the black lagoon were throwing things into the boot in desperation. We set out at 6.30 am by 9.00am we were home. at 9.30 sun came out, at 10.00am looked into car boot, saw mess, slammed lid down and left it to be sorted out next day. As we often say NEVER AGAIN.
The wrinklies Spring Break 2008
How it was planned : 3 Nights stay in B&B near AYR in order to go for another trip on the WAVERLY, all booked in advance and anticipated for months ahead. The trip was to be on a Wed. from AYR calling at Largs, Dunoon, & Rothesay
How it worked out: A week before sailing day we got a note that the sailing was cancelled due to a delay in maintenance work on the paddle shaft. Being very resourceful, as usual, I promptly sussed out a different trip sailing on the Fri. from Glasgow down the Clyde calling at Kilcregan, Dunoon, & Rothesay so I rebooked for that one . This meant of course that we had to book an extra day in the B&B which (after some confusion trying to book the extra day with a B&B who knew nothing about the original booking) I finally sorted it out. The place had the same name as our booked B&B it just happened to be in OBAN not AYR. I then patted myself on the back thinking a “ job well done” and relaxed again. WRONG.
Two days before setting out got a second note, the trip from Glasgow was cancelled for the same reason as the first one. We now had 4 days to fill in without a particular objective and the weather forecast not too rosy. As usual we spent the time mostly driving round getting lost, arguing with the Sat-Nav but also as usual we found some nice quiet country roads over the hills and moors together with good pubs and had some good meals. Found some Charity shops in Troon to keep Batty happy, called at Wigtown for Bookshops but didn’t buy any books. Visited Port William, the Yacht Harbour at Largs, Seamill and Troon where we watched Seals catching fish in the harbour and dined on Arbroath Smokies, Black Pudding an Quail Egg Salad.
To round off the break and get our sail we went for a return trip on the Ardrossan- Brodick Car Ferry which was quite uncrowded being mid week and out of the main season. Good sail Sunshine, room aplenty in the lounge, bar and restaurant. We had lunch while tied up at Brodick being the only passengers still on board. All in all a good time in spite of not getting aboard our favourite vessel. Would recommend the B&B http://www.altnacraig.co.uk/
A family gathering to sympathize with one ( who shall be nameless of course to avoid embarrassment ). who has finally reached the big 50. Of course an appropriate present and a suitably adorned cake was donated to relieve the symptoms of this stressful occasion. A good meal and happy time was had by all at the Rams Head in Grappenhall before we had to rush out before the bill came. Everyone ended up at Fizeo's where even more victuals and liquid refreshment were consumed before the poor old man was allowed to go home. Incidentally the Cheeky Boy in the corner was not the recipient, he is a bit older now but not quite 50 . Eight actually
Wrinklies Hols 2009
I don't know what went wrong this year on our break cos nothing went wrong, very strange? The intention was, back to Scotland (although not to the proper bits) just the Fife area below St Andrews I have finally had to admit that the long drive up to the highlands is too far for an old decrepit B***r like me. Nice county but No Mountains!. Next year it's back to the Highlands but we will go up by train or plane and hire a car when we get there and it's just to bad for the kids inheritance prospects.
We stayed at Moffatt for one night going up and Clovenfords (near Galashiels) for one night coming back. Accommodation was good and our cottage at Fife Ness was great with all mod cons including Sky TV. We were right in the middle of the Balcomie golf course with views out both ways to the course and the north sea. There was even a track were I could get down to shore in the car so I was able to try out my new reel and the spinning lures I had purchased speciality for the trip. There were some flat rocks I could just manage to stumble across and I caught some nice bunches of various species of sea weed. The intention was to fish at Crail harbour but we found out that they wouldn't let you drive down, you had to park and walk Down I could have managed that but Batty's getting a bit past it now and I can't depend on her being able to shove me up again. There are several nice harbours along the coast I planned to fish but the application of Sods Law meant that whenever we got to any of them the tide was out.
We did have a bit of fun with a Scottish game they play in fife it's called "Hunt The Petrol Station". The idea is you ask a local where you can find a petrol then you have to try and get there before the place closes down permanently. It's quite exciting when you finally find one. pull up and realise its locked bared and abandoned. When we did find one open it was quite a thrill, Betty went in for some milk and I inserted the nozzle which started up and gave me 34p's worth before the lights went out and it stopped. Betty shouted from across the forecourt " they've had a slight power cut but they have sent for the Lady ?. When it started up again my pump wouldn't work till I replaced the nozzle and started from scratch, meanwhile Betty placed the 2 cartons of milk on the counter the attendant said that will be £44.50. She thought Gordon Brown had increased the VAT again. Needless to say I had to pay for the petrol but it had to be in two amounts so I had a card receipt for 34P as one of them. I am still trying to figure out what a SLIGHT power cut is ?.
PS I don't think I need to say we went in millions of charity shops. Not our finest holiday but good weather, good food, good accommodation and a few laughs along the way
Never Thought This would Happen Again Yvonne At Sea !
Sailing was amazing again. The weather was totally different this time, it was stormy + very wet last time, but I loved it, it was like a major rollercoaster but when we caught the wind right Billy Ruffian ( glen's boat) flew across the waves, and when that happens it's a real buzz. The race two weeks ago got cancelled because the weather caused too much difficulty for all the boats to get to the start at reasonably same times. but we had a good sail across to peel island + we stayed over had a few beers + sailed back the next day.
This weekend the weather was a lot calmer to the point where we were hoping for more wind. There was just enough for an OK sail. Billy's not great with little wind as she's a heavy boat + we didn't have a cruiser sail which would have helped. But Glen pulled it off with his "Glen strategies" as he calls them. We didn't have a great start so he planned a tactic to catchup + over take which actually worked, but risky! but that's glen!! He was totally chuffed because for the first time ever he beat his dad! yea! I still keep trying to convince him that it's because he had me as his brilliant crew ! ha ha! We came 5th out of 16.
Peel island was heaving, it was the last race off the season so everyone wanted some off the action, we were lucky to get a mooring!
So the One + only pub that's there was full to the brim! Clever me jumped off the jetty to help with the dingy + sunk knee deep in smelly mud he he! a few got too drunk to control their dinghy’s on way back later + ended up capsizing it! Plus there was a Pagan wedding going on there, so there was a markee with these random strange pagan people + us sailing lot next to them in all our wet & muddy waterproofs getting tipsy!! You can imagine how funny that looked!
The next morning there was zero wind + lots of sun, everyone had to be at the lock by Glasson bay by 1300hrs for the high tide. So it was motors all the way from 9 am. So guess what happened.....It could only happen to us....our engine failed on the Eisham channel, which was quite a hairy moment as straight away the tide took us sideways at 3 knots towards a passenger ferry. You can imagine how much Glen was rushing around swearing his head off getting the anchor down and on the radio to "pebbles boat " close to us for a tow. we had to get the anchor up as fast as we could once tow attached, so Glen ended up yanking it up by hand to speed it up - 60 meters! I thought he was gonna break his back!! All the guys from Glasson sailing club were begging the lock keepers to give us 20 min’s extra for the lock which worked + we ended up going through the locked attached side-by-side to his dads boat. it was an amazing experience, I certainly learned a lot!!
What an amazing weekend!! Love Yvonne
WARNING TO THE OCCLESTON YOUNGER GENERATIONS
The wrinklies are now on FACEBOOK & SKYPE keeping a close watch in case you lot are doing anything of which we might disapprove. (disapproving is half the fun of getting old and is what we do best).The only trouble is that we can’t understand much of the strange language that you use nowadays. It would be most helpful if an interpretation of wall comments could be attached to the said graffiti.
WEARY.
Guess who got attacked by a flock of Ferocious Killer Seagulls in Wales the other day, The young lady and her other half had completed the yearly shutdown of their palatial holiday second home and whacked out 3 quid on two ice creams to recover from their labours, when, ( as described to your intrepid reporter). They were bounced out of the sun by a huge kamikaze seagull that snatched the expensive treat before they knew what hit them. As the rest of the squadron gathered to pounce, hubby gallantly sacrificed his own ice cream to the onslaught and thereby saved his lady from further danger as they legged it down the prom..
From the description of the attack I gather that the enemy had 20 foot wingspans and were absolutely enormous. I have my suspicion that their size was slightly exaggerated as it was admitted that the ice cream vendor was heard to say as they were leaving “ Watch out for the seagulls “.
I wonder if he trains them ? well they use Cormorants for fishing in China ! Who knows what they do in Wales?
If only I had a video for candid camera , another £250 missed , I wish you kids would shape up. Weary
Sally’s been at it again only this time she roped her poor father in, I don’t know what happened to her last partner she’s probably worn him out. Half Marathon this time successfully completed, the wrinklies have rooted about down the settee cushions and paid up with a sickly smile. Anyone who has not yet sponsored can still do so even after the event.
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( Just for a tan I think). But not
much sun in Sunny Lanzarote.
The previous week was wall to wall sunshine but they did manage one sunny day.
Camel ride and swimming for the brave one.
Drink pinching and diet ducking for the other.
It was decided unanimously that this transplant was long overdue.
WEARY WAS 80 In DECEMBER
Some of the guests seemed to be waiting in anticipation.
Most of the others turned up dressed in black. I wander why ?
BATTY WAS 80 on 31st MAY 2010
Even though it was Batty’s birthday it was unanimous that Weary should have the head transplant.
Batty blows out the candles on her own made cake.
Due to circumstances beyond her control she didn’t get a taste untill two days later.
A good time was had by all and they didn’t all turn up dressed in black for this one.
This previously unseen photo did turn up on the day
Family GOOD NEWS -
The average cost of funerals now stands at £1,515 but don’t fret,
if you can get Weary to kick the bucket in prison the prison governors must offer to pay funeral expenses for dead inmates even if they have relatives.
The grant can be up to £3000, double the average cost.
Jacquie has a WEB SITE now, if you’re heading south. http://personaltrainerderby.com/
A great way to keep fit and improve your health. Whether this is by Personal Training, Sports Massage, Nutrition advice or just someone to motivate you from time to time. This is the place you will get all these services from an expert in these fields. JHealth travels to Derby, Mansfield and Nottingham. If you are just out of these areas it is worth getting in touch and we can try to find a trainer for you.
Jacquie Leighton - J Health
Another family member joins the geeks. Martin & Proud Parents.
Specific details not available yet. Still to come Darren & the Yorkies.
The smile on Mums face is because she finally got him to dress smart
at least for one day.
His granddad says, (as usual ) the news is not unexpected as good genes will always win through
and he takes full credit for Martins achievements.
Gonna have to start
a Geeks Section.
and yes I take full credit for
Daren’s success as well !
Weary
