Our Sneaky got her GSM for her service in the Iraq conflict. All the family are very proud of you. Lots of people on Service Pals send a well done message to be passed on.Having finally got mine after 51 years waiting, I am so proud to see them together. Well deserved Gal. Granddad
Fizeo finally got her place in the queue and went in Warrington General Hospital for her operation. Things went well and she should be out in a few days but she will have to give up her driving for a few weeks so she is not too happy about that. Some clan members will lose their Free Taxi Service, so there will be a few glum faces at home then.
To add to Fizeo’s week to be forgotten and true to form for a member of the Culcheth Clowns. Just before being admitted in to the hospital someone dropped a shelf on her big toe which turned bright purple, she also tripped over a step and took the skin off her knee which turned it bright red. I believe they started singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow when they were wheeling her to the operating theatre.
In Fizeo’s section of the hospital physiotherapy department there should be four staff, one is absent due to a work related injury, one is absent due to pregnancy, one is absent due to injuries received from safety air bags after being in a car crash and Fizeo is still an outpatient. Warrington area people are advised not to break any bones at the present time unless they are experienced at DIY.
The Wrinklies all at Sea on the M.S. Balmoral
Sailing at 9.30am from the IOM pier Liverpool, going to LLandudno then Puffin island, the Menai Straits under Menai Bridge and back to the Menai pier. Return trip via Red Wharf Bay and round Puffin Island back to Llandudno before returning to Liverpool.
The weather was fine as we left at 7.15am (to beat the morning rush hour).Bacon butties for breakfast would be eaten in comfort gazing out over the Mersey and being early would ensure good places on board. HA! HA!. We arrived at the pier head about 8.15am and got a Pay and Display slot then found that parking was restricted to 2 hours." Never mind " we would enquire for nearest multi-storey, after all Liverpool, a large city, must have some. I went into the IOM ferry terminal and asked a girl, dressed up like a flight hostess, about parking. Blank looks then a suggestion that I drive to Main Police Station to ask. By now was getting a little apprehensive things had been going too well. I next pointed to a multi-storey building in the distance and asked a fellow motorist if it was a car park, he said it was and gave directions to get around to it. When we got there it was a multi story car park but still under construction.
Seeing another similar building and following the signs to the entrance we found that it too was still under construction. It appears there was a car park there originally but they had knocked it down to build a car park ?.Some workers gave us directions to an open multi-storey, when we got to that we found it closed at 8.00pm. The boat wasn't due back into Liverpool until 9.00pm. Now very frustrated we finally got to the only 24 hour Car Park in Liverpool with about 25 min remaining before the boat sailed. We set off to get back to the landing stage. luckily it was all downhill or there would have been no chance of us getting back in time. As we staggered off on our long hike, "Eureka"! a taxi stopped to let passengers out, I asked the driver "are you free" and he said "yes but you have to flag" and he drove off empty " leaving us fuming, I assume he didn't think two old wrinklies were worth the bother. We made it to the pier head absolutely B*****d about 6 minutes before sailing and we found we had to go down a long ramp at an angle of 60 degrees or steeper, Everyone had to hang on to the one hand rail like grim death, any who let go would have slid down at such a rate they would have crossed the MERSEY WITHOUT A FERRY. 
About the trip on MS Balmoral: My verdict: it was OK but uninteresting, . On the return trip the ship had to circle for about 20 minutes in Liverpool Bay waiting for a pilot, apparently a ship can't sail into Liverpool without a pilot if it has passengers on board. I assume if you have a 200,000 ton Tanker and no passengers you are OK without one. When we finally landed, we had to face the dreaded ramp again, like climbing the north face of the Eiger, we ran out of oxygen about half way up and we were not the only ones. After we got back to the car we had gone over the 12 hr parking rate and had to pay for 24 hours @ £13.50. The day was one to forget really, Though not the fault of the Ship
Roll on the next time we can get on the lovely old Waverley again. Weary
BUDGIES and BIRD FLU
How to tell if your budgie has Bird Flu? This is a frequently asked question these days. and there are clues you ought to look out for. For example, if your pet hops up his ladder, looks in his mirror and says: "Oh god, I look awful," you should certainly be on your guard. The tinkling of his little bell could also be a cry for help. It's a good idea, at this time, to have another little bell installed in your bedroom, operated by a thread leading to his cage, so that he can give it a tug and summon you in the night if he needs some fresh water or a junior aspirin,
A high-temperature can cause delirium. Excessive untidiness with millet is one sure sign of this also if your budgie has suddenly become repetitive and says "Put the kettle on" over and over again? Sometimes a bird will chirp "Where's Charlie ?" when he knows nobody of that name. Charlie has become a figment of his imagination and paranoia is setting in. He suspects that this mysterious Charlie figure is going to sneak up on his cage and loosen the rungs of his ladder or put glue on his swing- A paranoid budgie will chatter away, then clam up when you approach the cage and take an interest. He will resist all entreaties to repeat what he just said.
Is it possible to catch flu from your budgie? Yes, it certainly is, but there are precautions you can take. for the period of the quarantine, confine him to his cage and try to keep the relationship on a strictly formal footing. Stick to a straight "Good morning" or "Good afternoon" and avoid asking him who is a pretty boy. It would be a sensible precaution to place a cloth over your head at night time.
How can you tell if you have caught budgie flu ? Look out for signs of sidling, when you seem to be shuffling sideways, it may not necessarily be a danger signal but it is certainly something to monitor. Try to notice if you are tending to hunch you shoulders more than usual. See how often you bang your forehead against mirrors One of the early symptoms of budgie flu in humans is a tendency to utter expressions, such as "Oh Dear" or "Dearie Me" when rising from your chair or bed. If you catch yourself trying to scratch your nose with your foot seek medical help immediately.
With acknowledgement to: End Column - Oliver Pritchett.
Old Weary Wally has finally had his Gall Bladder removed. He can no longer use his old joke that he paid seven & six (38p) for a wife in 1951 and this asset has declined in value over the years because certain of my bits have been removed. Now his bits are going and his trade-in value has declined drastically.
I had him “doctored” at Hope Hospital under this new fangled Keyhole method and the op went very well but, being such a tight B as usual, he didn’t want to part with anything “ in case it might be useful someday” . It seems the GB wouldn’t come out through the keyhole so the stones had to be prised out of him one by one but eventually with the surgeon’s foot on his chest they finally made him give them up. Since he came home he hasn’t moped about looking miserable too much, he has come off the feel happier pills and the D.N. has removed the staples, so he will soon be back to his normal grumpy condition. Batty.
When it is daylight savings time, Why are they saving it and where do they keep it ?
Recommended Links
For Humour: http://www.ahajokes.com/
“ htth://www.monologues.co.uk/
“ http://www.humorlinks.com/
“ http://www.funnypoets.com/
Forces Vets http://ww.servicepals.com/
Computer Service http://www.doc-com.com
Family News - gossip or hearsay - Some tongue in cheek.
( Some web links or local business links I recommend. )
Wayne Occleston
PAINTER & DECORATOR
....................................
17. Albert Street
Cadishead, Manchester. M44 6ND.
Tel: 0161-775-4633
Mobile: 0785-5936263
Sneaky now, I don’t think it is her professional kit, although nowadays who knows ? Weary
A Culcheth Clown Joins The GEEKS
SALLY has GRADUATED with a FIRST As she achieved marks in the high eighties she is now, according to her sisters, an Honorary Geek and they are now working on her to change her mind about attendance at the Penguins Bash. They want her on parade in full dress uniform so they can take the Mickey. Her granddad says the news is not unexpected as good genes will always win through and he takes full credit for her achievements.
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Jacqueline |
Christine |
Kate |
Sally |
Gemma |
Yvonne |
News from the Culcheth Clowns
We did our run for charity : You will have to see mum for the embarrassing pictures! Did it in one hour and one minute so very pleased with that. Darren did it in 50 minutes and between us we raised nearly. £300. Sally
:
Well done the pair of you but I was really looking forward to the arrival of the Embarrassing Pictures. I didn’t know you just meant dirty shoes. Weary
A Tale From An Army Camp In Wild Wales.
There was this female Lance Corporal who unfortunately had to do some vehicle maintenance as she had be put in charge of a thing with wheels on. Very inconvenient because it meant getting dirty hands and dressing as a worker which spoiled the Girlie Image. To compensate for this deterioration in looks, her and her nutty sister had their hair tips tinted PINK, not really a part of the army dress code. Fortunately the tips could be hidden in a bun when on camp duty. However !
It appears the L/Cpr had a message that the new Sergeant Major wanted to see her and instantly her thoughts turned to “Oh what have I done now?” ( Quite a common thought for one of the Culcheth Clowns). Nothing came to mind but then PANIC at a sudden though that her tinted hair had been spotted. Lots more panic when her buddies said they could just see something in her hair even though tightly rolled. Typical Army solution was Greasy Camouflage sticks rubbed well into her hair by the grinning lads Finally a very worried bunny faced the CSM and said “ I believe you want to see me sir ?. Oh yes” said this fearsome creature , “ WOULD YOU DO SOME BABY SITTING FOR US?”
Jac her first season as an employed professional dancer with the “Bring It On Show.” Dancing at the Marton Mere and CalaGran Camps near Blackpool and also in N. Wales. "Starring" with Keith Harris and Orville and Bobby Davro. We all thought the show was brill and they all had so much energy. Mum was a bit embarrassed with the costumes on the washing line but, hey, that's Show Biz. Well done Jac, we loved it.
CAR BOOTING Again ?
The wrinklies decided to do a car boot again the other week to get rid of more of the kids inheritance. all carefully planned by Weary, the weather forecast checked, it was OK. ( we could stay outside instead of indoors.) Alarm clock set for 6 am to get good place, Patio umbrella to be taken in case of rain, ropes to tie same to car in case of wind, chairs in case of tiredness and food and drink in case of exhaustion. Loads of plastic bags in case of multiple sales, lots of change for same reason and the piece-de-resistance a long wallpapering table borrowed from son so plenty of room to set out stuff, we were all set for sale of the century. In the Event
The organizers had lost a field so the space allocated was only width of car plus 2 feet and the fee had gone up 25%. As usual we were literally pinned against the boot by the hovering dealer vultures as we tried to unpack but we eventually got set up. Shortly after big black cloud took up residence over our heads so quick dash to get up umbrella and things moved under its protection, started to feel rather smug watching others who had no umbrella. Unfortunately we then found we were facing the wind so the rain still hit the table but determined not to panic we got out the paper kitchen roll and started to wipe things and move them back., at that point the slime monster struck. Someone? (son) had forgotten to tell us that the paper pasting table had not been cleaned, you know wallpaper paste is invisible when dry but when wet boy does it spread. In ten seconds the kitchen towel and two cotton towels were used up and two slime covered creatures from the black lagoon were throwing things into the boot in desperation. We set out at 6.30 am by 9.00am we were home. at 9.30 sun came out, at 10.00am looked into car boot, saw mess, slammed lid down and left it to be sorted out next day. As we often say NEVER AGAIN.
Now that all the CCs are fully mobile with their own means of transport, Rumours Have Been Circulating.
That all birds wishing to overfly the area must be wearing nappies, that there is likely to be a shortage of wing mirror spares, that house owners are to get grants to have their house walls fitted with rubber bumpers and leaning bollard’s that have been noticed about the place are due to global warming. These are just rumours and not necessarily true stories. However the Yorkies have found their
Place In The Country and if you visit next year curtseying and doffing off caps may be required.
Gabby and Ryan in Tunisia, where she managed to squash a Camel.
Fizeo and Julie in Granada, where she had her bag nicked. Any wonder us oldies prefer to holiday in Britain
Some of the clowns on holidays.
The wrinklies Spring Break
How it was planned : 3 Nights stay in B&B near AYR in order to go for another trip on the WAVERLY, all booked in advance and anticipated for months ahead. The trip was to be on a Wed. from AYR calling at Largs, Dunoon, & Rothesay
How it worked out: A week before sailing day we got a note that the sailing was canceled due to a delay in maintenance work on the paddle shaft. Being very resourceful, as usual, I promptly sussed out a different trip sailing on the Fri. from Glasgow down the Clyde calling at Kilcregan, Dunoon, & Rothesay so I rebooked for that one . This meant of course that we had to book an extra day in the B&B which (after some confusion trying to book the extra day with a B&B who knew nothing about the original booking) I finally sorted it out. The place had the same name as our booked B&B it just happened to be in OBAN not AYR. I then patted myself on the back thinking a “ job well done” and relaxed again. WRONG.
Two days before setting out got a second note, the trip from Glasgow was canceled for the same reason as the first one. We now had 4 days to fill in without a particular objective and the weather forecast not too rosy. As usual we spent the time mostly driving round getting lost, arguing with the Sat-Nav but also as usual we found some nice quiet country roads over the hills and moors together with good pubs and had some good meals. Found some Charity shops in Troon to keep Batty happy, called at Wigtown for Bookshops but didn’t buy any books. Visited Port William, the Yacht Harbor at Largs, Seamill and Troon where we watched Seals catching fish in the harbor and dined on Arbroath Smokies, Black Pudding an Quail Egg Salad.
To round off the break and get our sail we went for a return trip on the Ardrossan- Brodick Car Ferry which was quite uncrowded being mid week and out of the main season. Good sail Sunshine, room aplenty in the lounge, bar and restaurant. We had lunch while tied up at Brodick being the only passengers still on board. All in all a good time in spite of not getting aboard our favorite vessel. Would recommend the B&B http://www.altnacraig.co.uk/
I am experimenting with Flash at the moment but don’t know much about it so if it doesn’t work, as usual, I plead Senile Decay as the cause. Like any good politician I do not accept blame for anything
Click on either picture to go to the slide show
Use your Back Button to return here if you are not fed up.
The wrinklies Autumn Break
How it was planned : first day to Barmouth to see the sea then on to a one night stay at Dinas Mawddwy. From there to Little Stretton Shropshire for two nights to enable a trial flight in a glider for Weary, a visit to Cosford Air Force Museum, a visit to Bridgnorth and the Blists Hill Victorian museum at Madeley, with a call at Powis Castle on the way home.
How it worked out: Unfortunately rained all the way to Barmouth but we had a lovely lunch at the Half Way House Hotel just before we got there, we saw the sea but were nearly blown away on the promenade which was deserted. Starting out for the Dolbrodmaeth Riverside Hotel, Dinas Mawddwy. we got lost as usual and finished up back at Bala but it did give us chance to go down the south side of the lake where we had not been before. Arrived finally at the hotel about 4.00pm. This hotel is in a lovely Spot with the river Dovey at the bottom of the garden, where we had a lovely evening, very friendly and we can certainly recommend the hotel. We found out when leaving on Tue. that with the river in spate it was full of salmon and sea trout and Weary could have fished for free as a resident, never mind he didn’t curse and sulk for too long and the weather had turned fine.
The next day we set off for Little Stretton and of course got lost again. Sometimes we didn’t know just where we were heading, but we kept following our noses and enjoyed the scenery down the valleys, up the mountains, on single track roads mostly!. At lunch time we found ourselves in Montgomery where we had a light lunch, wasted money on lottery tickets, bought some Dandelion & Burdock and Red Devil Cheese with peppers that ignited ones tonsils. In the afternoon we arrived at Mynd House Little Stretton Shropshire, to a most friendly reception from mine hosts Sue & Dave, a lovely couple who even put up with Weary’s constant moaning about the deterioration of the standards of today’s world after he had had a few from the bar. We thoroughly enjoyed our stay and I can certainly recommend their 4 star accommodation. http://www.myndhouse.com/
On Wednesday we started off by visiting all the Charity Shops in Church Stretton ( a regular feature now of all Wrinkly holidays ) then we went up onto “The Mynd” a range of hills where the Gliding Club was located and where Weary had hoped to imitate a bird but by this time we had found out trial flights only take place at the weekend so he could only look wistfully at all the gliders. The views from along the Mynd were spectacular though. After that we got lost once more on coming down from the hills and found ourselves having to return to near Church Stretton in order to continue on to Bridgnorth. We got there eventually and spent time by the river and another nice pub lunch before a trip up the cliff railway to round out the day. Too late to go to Madeley (we would have been in with the rush hour nutters).
On the return home we scrubbed Powis Castle and Cosford Museum as we had been there before but we did find a ruin, Moreton Corbet Castle ( much more to our taste ) and at Bangor-On-Dee the Buck House Hotel with A collection of over 1,000 tea pots hanging from the ceilings. All in all we had a very enjoyable Break ( Over 400 Miles in total.) Now he is home Weary is moaning about his back as usual,
I really could do with finding a nice healthy Toy Boy for Chauffeuring. Batty